The trip became something like self discovery for me. Wherever I traveled in Russia and Central Asia, my Azeri/Iranian looks, Soviet Past, and American present followed me. I would speak to locals in various cities in Uzbekistan or Tajikistan and realize that so much of who I am, found its roots in the people of these countries. I became confused, overwhelmed, upset, not to mention, exhausted by the daily travel of our study tour and the emotional battering that came from constant self reflection. I was singled out very often for my looks and my capability to speak Russian. I was offered marriage, offered sons, offered flowers and wine, even when hostile to such advances. I was confused by the gender divisions of the country, yet not surprised because I knew coming to the country about the conservative nature of society. I was shocked by the signs of Sovietization in every day life, from products sold in stores to music played in shops and silverware placed on a dinner table. The commercialization and explosion of tourist culture and that national dependency of its success as tantamount to survival became ever present. Culture was lived in, subverted, and exploited for the purposes of livelihood. Still day to day human interactions proved to be beautiful and real and organic in their ability to, cut through the bull shit, so to speak, to bring about the human behind the analysis.
I think as a way to remedy my inability during the trip to relate my experiences I will fill this blog with shards of memory. Ever so often, my mind brings up these images of the trip. Things, events that took place in Central Asia that have stayed with me. Rather than gushing every moment of my trip on this blog, I will use it as a reflective tool. I will remember what was experienced and try to understand what happened rather than just relate it verbatim.
Further, as I begin to write my senior thesis work, I feel sharing my ideas about some of the issues I touch upon in my research in this blog might help clarify my ideas and also share some of the many issues that this region of the world faces. Everyday, another idea pops into my head. Everyday another instance of misunderstanding and tragedy goes unnoticed, and if i take my research process and turn it into an awareness project for myself and those who choose to follow me, maybe I can make my writing experience more interactive and my research more meaningful.
That is all for today.
Khodafez,
Esther
